Holiday of Convenience

Forced arranged marriages have been a concern of the government for some time. It is not known how many have occurred in the United Kingdom. It is illegal. But since its exposure, many have tried to find other ways of getting past detection, including tricking girls into marriage. When is it going to end?

Saadet is a 24-year-old nurse from Hertfordshire. She was born and bread in London alongside three siblings. Her father was a strict Muslim doctor and her mother a housewife, who fled from the Kurdish part of Turkey following persecution.

Growing up in a strict Muslim home for Saadet was hard. She often felt as though she was missing out on a lot. She was allowed one phone call per week from her friend and fellow Muslim, Sajida. No boys were allowed to phone or come to the house unless they were relatives.

“It was tough”, she said. “My father was so strict, that we couldn’t even be seen talking to boys from school. To my father, all boys are men”. “Even when my friend Sajida and I were talking on the phone he would constantly walk into the room to find out what all the chit-chat was for”.

Saadet’s father already had his plans for her.

“He used to show me pictures of my cousin in Turkey, Munir”, she said. “I had spoken to him on a number of occasions during my youth, but never imagined that I would ever meet him”.

Saadet had been groomed for Munir without her consent. She had been committed to him from the moment she was born.

“My mother will always say, “Saadet, you have to learn how to look after a man. One day soon you will have your own”, and I would wonder what she meant by that. After all at the time I wasn’t even a teenager yet”.

Little did Saadet, knew that she will grow up a lot faster than she thought.

“One day my father said we should pack our bags and get ready to go on holiday. I was so happy. I had never been to Turkey before. I felt I’d finally get to meet my other family members. I was excited”, she said tearfully.

Saadet was in Turkey three days later. She had never been happier. Swimming outdoors in the sunshine with her grandmother serving her traditional sodas and home made cookies. This is what had been lacking in her childhood. She was overwhelmed by all this, but one thing constantly bothered her.

“My cousin, Munir, would come into my room at night to talk to me. He would constantly tell me how beautiful I was, compared to all other women. It made me happy, but I felt there was something sinister about his praises”.

Munir would do this every night, until Saadet’s father caught him one night.

“My father was walking past my room one night when her heard voices. He came in and asked what was going on. I was so scared. I explained to him that we were just talking about things in England, and then he and Munir started talking to each other in our native language. My father knew I could not understand it. They laughed and walked off together. It was all a bit strange to me. I didn’t sleep, because I was expecting my father to come back and tell me off. He didn’t”.

Saadet grew suspicious of her father’s behaviour, but had no one to talk to. Her mother would never go against her father’s words. She was an unsafe bet. Saadet felt her grandmother understand her concerns.

“I told my grandmother how I felt and asked for her advice. She said she would think about it and get back to me at a suitable time. Again, all this was strange to me. All I asked for was advice, it should have come immediately, after all she was an old woman. I assumed she’d be wise”.

Saadet’s grandmother got back to her three days later with the most shocking news she had ever gotten before. It is customary for women not to involve themselves in debates over the marriage of their daughters or granddaughters.

“Gran asked me if I didn’t know I was here for my wedding. I laughed for a couple of seconds, because it sounded like a joke. Then I looked into her eyes and realised she was serious”.
It was at this stage Saadet knew she was in trouble.

“At this point I knew I had been tricked into this holiday just to marry Munir. I now understood why my father wasn’t angry with me when he saw Munir in my room. After all it was only my future husband. It was terrible”.

Saadet, then called on her older siblings, who were both boys. She pleaded with them to help her get out of the country. They called her a slut and asked why she did not want to do the right thing, which was to get married.

Most boys grow with the beliefs that a man’s view is superior to that of a woman’s.

“My brothers were of no use to me. They too were involved in this plot to marry me off without my consent. They even stopped talking to me. I was devastated. This is not what I expected of my parents. After all, they too had fled the country because they were being forced to do what they did not want to do. How could they now turn aside from their beliefs and take away my own freedom”.

Many girls facing this same ordeal would usually run away or commit suicide. Saadet contemplated these options for a couple of days and then finally agreed to marry Munir. She knew once she was married she could get back to the United Kingdom and then file for divorce.
“I just said yes. I had no choice. Running away could have led to my death”.

Many girls have been killed in what is known as an ‘honour killing’, by their fathers for refusing marriage.

“Two weeks after my marriage, my father said we should all fly back to London. I was so happy, until he said we needed to prepare Munir’s papers, so he could come and live with us”.
Most women or girls forced into arranged marriages are often asked to bring their husbands to the UK.

“I brought him to London with me and now we have two beautiful daughters, but Munir and I were just lucky that we were able to fall in love. We both now detest what happened. Everyone should have the right to marry whomever they want”.

For girls like Saadet it may be too late, but when will the government take serious action to put a stop to it?